I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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