I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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