my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
