: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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