I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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