one might say we're banned from that church
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
