we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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