I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
How external is "for external use only"?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
