Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize