So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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