I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
