Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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