guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
