We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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