i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
