I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize