There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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