i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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