You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize