Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Randomize
