Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
