dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
