hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
