why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
