Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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