In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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