I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
