Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
