Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
