WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
