So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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