im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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