I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
