Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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