What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
