Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
