This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
