This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm passing your future prison.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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