he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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