This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
