come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
There was a lot of him and a little penis
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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