Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
