My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
