You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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