it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize