My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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