you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
