my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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