Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
