Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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