the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
