Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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