escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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