Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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