let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
