I showed him my bush... on skype.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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