he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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