You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
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