No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
