You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
