So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
