she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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