Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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