Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
It's blow job season.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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