Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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