So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
