To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
