So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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