her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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