You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
he's gonorrhea incarnate
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
