it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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