I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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