Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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