Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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