He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
