everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
