dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
its not stalking. its research.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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