I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just threw up on my dentist
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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