I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
