You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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