bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
