my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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