Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
3 2 1 whiskey
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
