Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I need moral support for this bender
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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