Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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