A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Randomize
