summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
