We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize