i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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