you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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