Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
