i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
