guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
