He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
