I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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