Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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