cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
