I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
