I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I said "one day" and that day is not today
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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