My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Watching her eat just hurts me
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
