May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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